Superman.

"Cause I'm no superman,
I hope you like me as I am. "



I have been wanting to write something like this for a while now.

If you were given a piece of blank notebook paper, and enough time to express all of your ideas, how would you write down exactly how you would want your life to turn out? Would you be romantic and talk about wanting to spend lavish summer's on the coast of France and how things were going to work out perfectly, and the mansion you always wanted would be no problem to buy. What would be your profession in your dream world? Where would you want to live? What would be the course of action that you would take if you were to think about how the next 60 odd years were going to turn out?



From the way I see things, things are going to turn out as things are going to turn out. 

I've been thinking about if you "join the corps" how awesome that's going to be. Connecting on the "first level" is so important. You would be in a position to work 1 on 1 with students where you could help them learn to become a good students and work on a lifestyle that is conducive to learning. The intimacy of tutoring is something that is virtually impossible to achieve in a traditional classroom setting.  And that is so much more critical to a child's development that simply going to school and going through the motions. Working within the first level is something I really want to be part of as well. Not to be an idealistic 23 year old, but if everyone kicks in a little wouldn't at least some things get better? At least right now I know I definitely don't want to work for some large structure, where it isn't clear how your input leads to an output. At the end of the day, if someone you worked with walks away a better person that I was working with, then I would call that a productive day. Bri always talks about how she wants to work with people not necessarily for people. 

Teaching has really shown me a lot about myself so far this year. This is the last week of the semester, so I have been looking back on things and discerning on how the entire experience has been. It really it is a job where what you put in is exactly what you are going to get out. If you are tired and almost bored in class, your students are going to notice right away and that is going to be the tempo. If you come to class with a great lesson planned and a good energy, then you usually will have a great class where the students get engaged, and almost forget they are learning for a second. The feeling of seeing a student grow over the course of the semester is awesome. I mean like seeing a child grow up but to a way lesser degree. 

After 2 semesters of teaching you really see how disciplined you are when it comes to teaching. There is no one who is ever going to supervise you or see you teach so it truly is up to you. It is all up to you. 




Being in Bangkok has sort of been like this for me. In high school, every friday was the big football game, you would prepare all week just for one game. You would watch a ton of film, prepare for the opponent strengths and practice different things to prepare for any scenario in the game. I have done so much time here in bangkok "preparing" for life back home that it is really building up into something now. I have been putting so much effort into thinking about how I want to live at home and they way by which I want to go about things. Almost too much, but just like football, preparation means nothing without the execution of the plan. 

I really don't know what I want out of life, or what I really want to do with most of my time. I'm only 23 years old. I'm going to mess up. I'm going to say dumb things. I'm not always going to go in the right direction. But I do think what I'm doing now is working in life. I think I really do have a good head on my shoulders and never mean to come off as someone who is a "know it all" but I do think I am confident about certain things because I feel strongly about whatever it may be, and want other people to get on the same level as me. I only try to push people upwards. It takes a certain type of person to belittle people, and I can't imagine ever acting like that. 

People have called me, arrogant, selfish, cocky, and overly confident. But those terms are all relative and depend what side you are speaking from. I'm sure everyone who wasn't on the Bulls called Michael Jordan those things, but all of his teammates called him by far the teammate they have ever had. Not only because he was such a great basketball player, but he demanded the most of his teammates each and every day. He wasn't unrealistic in his demands, he just wanted each person to be the best player they could be each and every day, and if you didn't do that he would sure let you know. Not to put you down, but simply to remind you of where you can get to. Im no MJ but I shooting for the stars is what I have always done, and always will do. 

I'm no where near being perfect, I'll probably never even be near that level, but I will try, every single day to be a better person. I might upset a few people along the way, but I can tell you my train is headed for great things and good times ahead. That just begs the question, do you want to be an enemy or a teammate. It is just always important to try to imagine where people are coming from when they speak because one persons enemy can be another person's hero based on how they perceive what the person says. 




Im no superman, just a guy from Boston madly in love with dreams sky high..

I am who I am, and I hope you like me for that. 

Love.

It is always important to give thanks for the people in your life who make you smile and make you want to leave whatever you are doing to be with them. B, a moment doesn't go by where I don't picturing being with you. May can't come soon enough. Im excited to come home and find who we are together, and continue the crazy times we left off at.

Knowledge of Self

I always tend to think that when you think about something too often, it becomes so aware to your consciousness because it is always on your mind. And on the flip side, if you never think about something, it usually isn't picked up in your  daily perception. I always think of this in terms of cars. If you say and think that there are so many silver cars on the road, then you are going to notice all of the silver cars because it is is your direct state of memory. And you will overlook the other cars, because you aren't focusing your entire attention on them.

This can been see on so many other levels, especially when it comes to our personalities. "Ignorance is bliss" is an example of this, meaning if you don't think of something, it doesn't really "exist" because perception is reality. If you go through life, ignoring worldly news, ignoring negative things about you or the relationships you have, and ignoring your role in the universe, then you will never have a fair estimate of who you really are. We can't all be the center of attention all of the time. There are times for that, but focusing on things from the most objective terms you can imagine will help you to create positive relationships with the people and environment around you.

Looking back and thinking about how the things you do affect the people around you, is one of the most classic lessons we are taught, but it is also one of things things that people have the hardest time with. Realizing your faults and coming to terms with them is a huge sign of maturity. I'm not perfect, and I don't know anyone that truly is, so we all have things that we can work on and do to make ourselves and the people around us comfortable.

I never really thought of this but everyone sort of  creates their own "versions" of memories. So everyone has their own bias in remembering memories and then creates sort of their own world that they live in. A world with their rules. So that even when people do "bad" things, they sort of dismiss them from their mind and only focus on "good" things. So that you almost forget times that you were bad and thus create a false reality that you put yourself in.

Sort of a weird logic, but I think many people do this. It seems like it leads to a life that can be smashed in at any minute, and people's realities crash in on themselves. No one really acts completely illogically, I mean in the moment people usually have a certain justification for what they are doing. So that makes things really interesting when people act in a way that you can't understand at all; I mean they aren't doing things intentionally wrong (unless they are sociopathic, and that is a whole 'nother blog topic)

However, this world that we create for ourselves can come crashing down if you eventually realize that what is was compromised of, was actually based on a misinterpretation of things. Thats why is it always important to be honest with yourself. You should try to always be aware of your actions and comments and how they affect you and others around you. If you do something awesome, then be pumped, thats how you should feel. Always take time in your day to do things that just make you feel good. But then on the other hand, if you mess up, don't meet a certain goal, fail a test, go through a breakup, get a negative review at work, or even something much smaller like show up late for something, or say something stupid to a friend, you shouldn't let those things crash in your world. They are significant events and in the moment seem like the entire world, but don't let seemingly bad things that happen to you get in the way of your character. Just because something bad happens to you doesn't mean you are a bad person. But on the other hand, you shouldn't ignore the bad things that happen to you, and pretend like nothing happened. Things usually don't work out for a particular reason. You didn't study enough or took too long and were late to something. If you did something wrong, it's ok, but you should always think about ways to improve your behaviors so that these things dont happen again. No one can be perfect, but you should set your goals high. Even if you stumble, maybe even stumble a few times, you should always be thinking about the top of the tree. It is important to have goals in mind and a person you want to be. You have to hold yourself to a standard, or you almost drift off into like a summer vacation mode where you sort of become useless by the end. Dream of the person you want to be, then go out there and be him. Even if you fall, or eff up, just be better the next time, that's all you can ask for.

Or you can just love, because that usually works for me..