Stages of Love

1. Courtship and infatuation.

This is the Hollywood version of romantic love. It's the butterflies-in-the-stomach and fluttery heart that feels ever-so good.

2. The Power Struggle

Consider this the reality check. Our bio-chemistry has returned to its normal state, so we are able to see a partner's shortcomings. It's the period when a couple begins to deal with (now apparent) differences and adjusts to reality, which begins to set in as euphoria wears off. This can often become a time of disillusionment and conflict.

3. Re-evaluation and identity formation

This stage begins with a fork in the road, when the couple begins to evaluate whether he or she wants to remain in the relationship. The reflection and re-evaluation tend to turn inward, with great isolation and distance between partners. People may disengage and emotionally withdraw. There may be feelings of disappointment. Sexual intimacy may become sporadic or nonexistent.

4. Awareness, Transformation, Synergy

If the relationship has survived until this point, there is an interest in reconnecting. Each partner must realize his or her own fear of intimacy, and how present behavior is shaped and influenced by what he or she learned and experienced as children in their family of origin.

5. Reconciliation, Acceptance

Research suggests less than 5 percent of couples make it to this final stage of completion. Each person is able to take responsibility for their needs and also support the other person. There is a great deal of warmth, mutual respect and a balance between autonomy and union. The couple has figured out how to resolve conflicts quickly. They work together as a team, and resentments are few. They have chosen to be with their partner, flaws and all.

This is often referred to as realistic love.

So I was doing a little research  in my office today about the stages of love. I put together the most accurate stages I could find with a little description of each one. Stage 1 many people call the greatest time of a relationship, things are new, the birds are chirping and it is so fun falling in love and learning so many new things about your partner. This stage is all about that late night LNT's and long walks are learning everything about the person. This can be so much fun because things are always new and not boring what so ever. You want to spend all your time with the person and do nothing aside from learn what makes them tick. Stage 2 hits you at a random moment and in a weird way, but it is something that you know happens. This is not a bad thing, but actually a great thing. Almost like when diving for treasure and you pull something up and fall in love with it, but after time some of the debree sheds and some parts crack a little and you feel that the thing has changed, and are confused as to why. But as the dust settles you realize that what you have in front of you is quite beautiful. If I had to take a guess, I think Bri and myself would find ourselves in stage 3. Right after finishing up a long academic career, we both took to different paths on different roads. This stage is where most couples decide if they are in it for the long haul, or if the road ahead will be a rocky one. This allows for each person to grow as an individual. But the question remains, can the couple grow together? Stage 4 and 5 are sort of out of my realm, not really sure where and when they might happen, but like any part of a relationship, it is all part of the process.

The evolution of a relationship is kind of cool. Sort of like snow-flakes, relationship all develop and evolve differently. Like anything, a relationship takes time to mature and become something great, and even when you think things are great, new things are always on the horizon.

The one thing that resonates in things i've been seeing and experiencing lately, is that in the end of the day, having someone by your side is what matters most.